PEP Blog

05|08

When We Start Keeping Score, We’re No Longer Playing on the Same Team

By Trish Pannuto

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, the May 6th New York Times piece, Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree, felt ill-timed. The article reports on an April survey of 2,200 Americans and suggests that “pandemic-era domestic work isn’t being divided more equitably than before the lockdown.” Without any judgment about the veracity of the data or the experience of the parents reporting it, two thoughts come to mind, taking sides and working toward solutions.

While there is perhaps something to be learned from pointing out the disparity in the shared experience of parenting, pitting parents against each other never seems like a good play. In the context of the Covid19, teleworking, homeschool mess that parents are currently operating under, it seems more useful to working toward solutions specifically through healthy communication. 

If you’ve taken a PEP class, you may have heard the following, “When we start keeping score, we’re no longer playing on the same team.” It can be a mantra for parents enduring sibling squabbles over who did more — or less. It’s also a fine mantra for couples. While communication, relationship, and parenting styles are a function of our childhood experience and family constellation, new tools for communication can be learned! PEP Parent Educator and Imago Therapist Caroline Bernhardt-Lanier and her husband Jason Lanier for Surviving Couplehood in Quarantine: Staying Together When You’ve Never Apart led a free webinar in May 2020 to explore ways to increase teamwork, strengthen communication, and deepen intimacy during the lockdown.


Please note: This webinar was offered for free as part of the Parenting Support During the Coronavirus series


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